10 Typical Male Online Dating Profiles

I don’t have any idea what a typical female profile looks like but I have a pretty good idea of what mens profiles look like and frankly, I am getting bored of it. Let me go really typical and see if I can briefly reconstruct 10 typical male profiles.

Profile 1: The lad

Danny-Dyer

Danny Dyer, typical lad!

I like to go out and have fun with my mates, always out on the weekend getting pissed and I am looking for a beautiful, fun and bubbly girl who is always up for a laugh. I also don’t mind having a cuddle on in front of the telly and a nice take away with the misses.

Profile 2: The bear wrestling adventurist

grylls

I love traveling and seeing new things. I love to explore, hike, camp, fish, and just nonchalantly walk the great walk of China and wrestle wild animals in Kenya. I’m pretty much Bear Grylls!

Profile 3: The meat head

vin-diesel-630

Gym, girls, clubs, sex. That is all because all of that makes me totally irresistible. I am not oozing sexually transmitted infections at all!

Profile 4: The submissive

url

I believe in female domination. I enjoy objectification, bondage and generally being a slave. I am willing to be at your beck and call all hours of the day to rub your feet, clean and cook for you. I do not ask for anything in return other than to be your slave.

Profile 5: The lazy bastard

homer_sleeping

Hey I don’t really know what to put here so just ask because I am lazy and wonder why people don’t bother to reply to me.

Profile 6: The arsehole

damon-salvatore-fanpop-86594

Okay so Ian Somerhalder is just yummy but he plays a good arsehole. Either way for me, nice guy or not he’d still get it!

No I don’t care about your feelings, I don’t care about your ex, I don’t want to beat your ex up for you, no I don’t want to have babies, I don’t want a baby mother. If you have shagged more than 5 guys you are a slag and I am not interested. I might reply to your message I might not, if not don’t be offended you are probably just ugly. Most of the girls on here are slags anyway. I have female issues probably due to the tons of rejection I have received in the past.

Profile 7: The sports mad

football

I love to cycle everyday, play football on the weekends and 5 a side on wednesdays. I run at least 4 times a week and I would love to find a girl that will enjoy all of this with me because I have quite honestly lost my mind.

Profile 8: The Loser Nerd

wow-jenkins1

I love video games and comic con, I am currently playing world of warcraft and I am not sure what sunlight looks like. I am not Big Bang Theory nerd where I have intelligence on my side, just a gamer nerd that is too addicted to find a decent job.

Profile 9: The hard worker

TonyStark

I love my job, I have a billion rolexes, own a suede finished Bentley and drive around like a boss. I work really hard but I play harder because that’s not cheesy and cliché at all.

Profile 10: The Socially Awkward

as-jeremy-gilbert-jeremy-gilbert-lindo-stefan-salvatore-steven-r-mcqueen-the-vampire-diaries-Favim.com-75191

I’m really nervous, shy and socially awkward in person but then once you get to know me and I am comfortable with you then I am actually quite a bubbly person, take pity on me I am really adorable.

I missed out the musician but then I don’t come across many of those guys. I only really have problems with 3, 5, 6 and 8 for fairly obvious reasons. 

-ConfessionsOfTheConfusedWoman

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7 thoughts on “10 Typical Male Online Dating Profiles

  1. This is ridiculously good. While Profiles 8,7,4,3,2 & 1 are easily detected, I’ve only discovered the lazy, asshole, painfully shy guys are lazy, shy, assholes after dating them in real life- sneaky buggers.

    Like

    • I’m glad you liked it. It was a little too easy to reconstruct these profiles which means I’ve been online dating for way too long! Haha but I have only been out with one arsehole. I’m yet to discover a lazy and shy one. Maybe its because they are to shy and lazy online for me to bother taking it further!

      Like

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