Since I moved back to my home town, I have had 3 guys from my 2 years living out west come back and apologise for how they treated me at the time of us dating. And this made me think… It really wasn’t me. It was them.
Okay granted, I chose them so there is an element of this being somewhat being my continuous fundamental mistake throughout the years. But then it could be argued that you don’t know what they will be like until you date them.
More recently I started talking to a guy who was really nice in the beginning and then just ignored me after. These people do not realise that it makes you question what it is you have done wrong. I am not going to claim that I am a saint, but I have made it my duty to be as honest as their feelings can handle. With this guy all of the following went through my head:
- Do I talk too much?
- Does my job intimidate him? (This has genuinely been an issue before).
- I bet his ex came back…
- It’s probably because I am not as well travelled as him…
When the most recent guy from out west came back apologising it put everything into perspective.
It cannot be me all of the time.
I didn’t do a damn thing wrong! I have stayed true to myself in the person that I have shown them I am and that’s all I can offer. I cannot be that undesirable that 3 men in 4 months have come back and said sorry to me, and they would want to try again. The key thing here is that 2 out of 3 of them said that it was because they weren’t ready for a relationship. One of them even said that as he was scrolling through is phone I was the only woman that stood out to him, and how I am so beautiful.
Well… tough shit. I am 170 miles away now.
The question is, why do people get themselves involved with other people when they aren’t ready? I can only think that this has something to do with their confidence and comfort.
If you are feeling emotionally weak then a confidence boost and attention is a great way for you to feel temporality better. To be desired and wanted is always a great feeling, but then in doing so it’s forgotten that actually this is at someone else’s expense. While they are fully aware of the situation, they are clouded by their own emotions to see what they have in front of them. Emotional denial is a terrible thing and should be dealt with, with no collateral damage (in an ideal world).
But if you feel like every guy you meet is “not ready” then this isn’t your fault. No matter how amazing they think you are they can still walk away because of their unstable emotions. And to be honest, he’s done you a favor. He’s wasted your damn time but you should never be someone’s “maybe”. If it’s because they think they could do better then you, let them go. Why do you want a man who doesn’t think the world of you? And even if they don’t feel like you are compatible, you don’t want a WEAK man who can’t be honest with you and just ghosts you. And sometimes they just can’t be bothered, and you don’t want that either.
It’s up to you to know your worth when they are ready and may come crawling back.
Never settle for less than you deserve.